It's All About the Dialogue

Here's an early scene from Touch the Bright and Burning Sun, the screenplay, I wrote a few years back. It's a scene I really liked. The dialogue was fun. The pace was snappy. And I managed to work in a little of Jean-Paul Sartre to boot. Alas, it would end up on the cutting room floor after I accepted that the story didn't really begin to take flight until page 47. It was a ruthless decision, but as a writer, one can never fall in love with a particular scene more than the story you're telling. Hope you enjoy it as I did.

HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY

It's the typical hustle and bustle between classes. Skylar walks along with books in hand. He is joined by DEREK, an entertaining and free-thinking classmate with his own individual style.

DEREK
You look like you're having a good day.

SKYLAR
Yeah, I suppose I am.

DEREK
So are you gettin' laid?

SKYLAR
No!

DEREK
All right now, be honest. You can tell Doctor Derek.

Derek pantomines a doctor examining a patient. Skylar plays along.

SKYLAR
I don't know doc. I think it started after calculus this morning with a general feeling of euphoria.

DEREK
Uh-oh. Educational delirium. This is more serious than I thought.

SKYLAR
Is it fatal?

DEREK
If not caught early, most assuredly.

SKYLAR
What symptoms should I look for?

DEREK
Well, are you feeling a delusional sense that school is good for you?

SKYLAR
Come to think of it, I am feeling an urge to do logarithmic functions.

DEREK
Catastrophic! We must operate immediately.

Derek performs a series of rapid-fire surgical moves on Skylar. They're momentarily parted by a wave of students--several of whom glance back curiously.

DEREK
Well, will the patient live?

Skylar checks himself over.

SKYLAR
It's a complete miracle, doc.

DEREK
Whew! That was touch and go. In the future doc recommends that you stay away from water fountains and door knobs.

SKYLAR
Huh?

DEREK
That's how they pass the virus, O Simple One! It's all part of the master plan. How the powers-on-high turn us into sheep.

SKYLAR
What? Derek, what are you talking about?

DEREK
I see your recent illness has affected your pitiful brain. So I will overlook your ignorance.

He stops to enlighten the uninstructed Skylar.

DEREK
It's all about indoctrination into the system. Teachers, bosses, the police, the government. Even parents. Before you know it, they got you joining the military pledging "allegiance to the flag..."

He parodies the salute and march of a soldier as he recites, then punctuates his words with a finger to Skylar's chest.

DEREK
But cloaked from reality you're just being brainwashed to uphold the whole goddamned oppressive system. It's all about maintaining control. Remember that.

SKYLAR
Obviously your capitalistic indoctrination hasn't taken hold.

DEREK
Ah, mock me if you will troglodyte. But when you find yourself one day in a widget factory wondering, "Why am I here?" Remember ol' Derek here warned you.

Skylar mimics the theme from The Twilight Zone.

SKYLAR
I better get to class, or I'll have to deal with one of those "Powers-On-High."

DEREK
Hey, it's good to see you lightening up a bit. You know when you first got here, you used to walk around with that deer-caught-in-the-headlights look all the time.