Strange How Life Works

Strange how life works to hem us in. The chains we forge link by iron link. Never perceiving how the decisions we make limit the vistas open to us in the future (which is to say, those open to us today). In the flower of our lives our world seems so wide...as wide as an open prairie. We merely need make our choice of destinies. Like so many delicious flavors. But life is so much messier---blind as we are. Blinded by desire and want. Blinded by false starts. By trial and error. And more error.

How many live the life they wanted? Picked the right line? I'm not speaking of those living the high life (what goes up, comes down), or those well off. Wealth has its own miseries (although I'd trade a few of mine for theirs). But truthfully, I've been around enough rich people to see they're no happier or more secure. But for those who truly blazed the right path for themselves; a life of genuine fulfillment, I envy them. Because that isn't mine.

On the contrary, this isn't the life I imagined: tied to an unrewarding, low-paying job. Boxed into a cubicle. Trapped in a city without car or the ones I love. Straining under a mountain of credit card and college debt...and the subsequent choices lost there. Few marketable skills...and fewer opportunities. Lord, this isn't where I meant to be. I was going to do something with my life. Make a difference. Burn a path through a bright blue sky. That however wasn't the reality I forged.

(Pondering what might've been) Given the chance, I'd most definitely opt for a re-boot as it were. A do-over. An opportunity to clean the slate; start afresh. Retake some of the key choices I've made; do this instead of that. But to start over in mid-life; relive a perfect imperfect is, I think, a dream I'm not alone in sharing.

That said, I'm not advocating such. Such is a life of regret and self-pity. I know, I do it all the time. No, rather it is my aim at this juncture in life to make the most of this imperfect bargain rather than waiting for "life" to find me. That is, to do my job well. Build friendships here. Seek the Most Beautiful One. Find some fulfillment that gives meaning. Which ultimately is the result of making good choices. Something which isn't so obvious until seen in the rearview mirror strangely enough.